i don't like sucking hair
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Randomize
