if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
