I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
