direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
