woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
