If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
My ass is underappreciated
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
