New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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