He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
