I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
