We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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