She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
