you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
