dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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