I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
