You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize