I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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