Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
