So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize