my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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