Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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