She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
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I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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