I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
