Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
