this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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