Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
