sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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