Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
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I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
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came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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