At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
