in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
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