Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
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I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
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I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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