You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
