yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Randomize
