In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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