Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
