Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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