Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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