we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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