I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I have already put on my inside pants.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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