It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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