he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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