nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
