Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
