Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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