I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
