Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
