He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
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I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
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I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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