My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
