the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize