We're facebook friends in real life
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Come on in and take your pants off
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