The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize