there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
