Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
