I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
