Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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