I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
