Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
