the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
