my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
