What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
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